Growing Up is Hard Work!

A few weeks ago, while commenting on a friend's post in regard to her 12 year old daughter's attitude, this thought popped into my head,"growing up is hard work".  Wouldn't you agree?  So many obstacles to overcome.  Think about it.  When a child is born they are completely and utterly dependent on their parents to feed, bathe, clothe, wash, protect, shield, teach & care for them.  They can do nothing by themselves.  As they grow and begin to sit up, crawl, drink from a cup and eat by themselves you begin to see this need for independence and also a need for dependence. 

Looking back on my parenting years early on I clung to the verse "children obey your parents, for this is well pleasing to God, that it may go well with you and you may live a long life on the earth".  Oh yeah, and the commandment "Children honor your parents....".  This is a command from God Almighty and I believe with all my heart that we should teach our children these truths and require obedience, honor and respect  from them.  However, what I don't believe is that we are to drill it into their heads 24 seven!  I did this with my oldest son for years, but didn't do a lot of checking in on my own heart and attitude towards him.  Honor is a little like a two way street.  We can't expect our children to honor and obey us if we give them no respect or honor can we?

God who is the Father of us all is respectful to His children and He gives us honor.  Yet, we sometimes  expect them to behave according to "the book", while make excuses for our dishonorable and disobedient attitude.  This is not right.  I think it is easy for Christian parents to forget the heart of the law because we are so busy when they are young laying down the law, having them memorize the 10 commandments and other scriptures they "should" know because after all, "God's word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against Him". 

What  I have learned in my 26 years of parenting is that many times my children's attitudes are often a reflection of my own attitudes or behaviors.  OUCH!  That hurts, don't like admitting that one!  At the same time we have to remember that growing up is painful. 

Growing up hurts!  That's why when children are growing physically we call it "growing pains".  I remember as a child waking up at night and my legs or feet would just ache.  My mother would rub them with lotion until I fell back to sleep.  Maybe what our children need is for us to be  more merciful, more understanding, more patient, gentle, slow to anger, less irritated by their growing up pains!  Maybe what they really need is a little "balm" on their pains.  Instead of wanting them to be the perfect little cookie cutter Christians.  We need to take a long look in the mirror and own our own bad attitudes and behaviors. 

Growing Up is Hard Work!  We are still works in progress so expecting little Johnny or Suzie to behave in a "godly" way 24 hrs. a day is unrealistic at best!  Do you and I behave "righteously" at all times?  Are we perfect?  Absolutely NOT!   What they need to see is a parent that will humble themselves and apologize to them or maybe instead of getting mad or irritated at our children we should  first stop and don't say a word.  Maybe we  need to just pray and ask God to help us exercise the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness or self-control; against such things there is no law (Galatians 5:22-23) that we possess by the power of the Holy Spirit in us. 

Now before some "law abiding" christian begins to read into what I'm "trying" to say, don't hear me say; you shouldn't have rules, you shouldn't correct your children's bad behavior or attitudes.  I'm not saying that at all.   You should do those things how else will they learn.  We are their first teachers, it is our God-given responsibility to "Bring them up in the love and admonition of the Lord" but, Ephesians 6:4 also tells us, - "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord".  God's word is clear we are not to embitter or enrage our children.  Not to provoke them to anger but to bring them up in the discipline & instruction of the Lord. 

 Discipline - comes from the word - paideia

1) the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment) It also includes the training and care of the body 2) whatever in adults also cultivates the soul, esp. by correcting mistakes and curbing passions. a) instruction which aims at increasing virtue b) chastisement, chastening, (of the evils with which God visits men for their amendment). 

The word for instruction is nouthesia which means admonition or exhortation.  The root word of nouthesia is -nous - meaning: 1) the mind, comprising alike the faculties of perceiving and understanding and those of feeling, judging, determining a) the intellectual faculty, the understanding b) reason in the narrower sense, as the capacity for spiritual truth, the higher powers of the soul, the faculty of perceiving divine things, of recognising goodness and of hating evil c) the power of considering and judging soberly, calmly and impartially 2) a particular mode of thinking and judging, i.e thoughts, feelings, purposes, desires.  A derivative from tithēmi -1) to set, put, place a) to place or lay/ b) to put down, lay down 1) to bend down, 2) to lay off or aside, to wear or carry no longer 3) to lay by, lay aside money c) to set on (serve) something to eat or drink d) to set forth, something to be explained by discourse 2) to make a) to make (or set) for one's self or for one's use 3) to set, fix establish a) to set forth b) to establish, ordain.  As we can see from the word of God discipline and instruction is hard work.  Requires the Power of the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom, discernment and discretion in parenting. 

Growing up is hard work!.  While there will be times when we must be hard on our children and experience the grief and pain that goes along with that as a parent; most of the time we should extend, grace, mercy & forgiveness to them, as God has extended to us through His Son Jesus Christ.  Yes, there are times when we must punish bad behavior, there will be times when we need to pick up the "rod of correction" and drive childishness out of the heart of our children in order to help them grow up to be good earthly as well as kingdom citizens.  Mostly though, we must "practice what we preach".  We must walk the talk, this is where I've found the rubber meets the road.  It is in the every day living out the common life where we are to be their example of what a grown up in Christ looks like. 

We must remember Growing up is hard work!

Renee Peebles
Zebulon, NC