Cultivating a Friendship with Your Husband

This year I have seen many Christian marriages fall apart and it has made me take a long  hard look at my own marriage.  It's made me ask myself some important questions like: am I my husband's friend or simply his wife?  Do I take the vows I made before God serious?  Do I work at making my marriage good or do I simply just let it happen.  Am I intentional in loving my husband or just hope he knows I love him?  How much time do I spend cultivating a friendship with my husband compared to the time I spend cultivating my relationship with my children or girlfriends?



I think of my husband as more than just my "significant other", my "spouse" or "husband"; he is also my closest friend and he tells me I am his closest friend too.  We enjoy being together whether we are sitting on our deck drinking a cup of coffee, catching up after a long day or taking a walk through our neighborhood.  We don't feel the need to spend lots of money and go "do" something.  Just being together is enough for us.



I've often told my girlfriends that I'd rather be with Lynn than with any of my other friends. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the friendships God has blessed me with.  I have a few really good and godly friends in my life and I know if I ever needed them or they need me we are there for one another.  I enjoy time away with a friend as much as the next woman; but my marriage comes first after my relationship with Jesus. 



God's word has called me to be a "help meet" according to Genesis 2:19-22 I was made to be a "helper suitable for him".  Wow!  Made suitable to my husband.  We are complete in Christ and also we complete one another in our marriage.  His strengths compliment my weaknesses, and visa versa.  It's amazing when we take the time to invest into our marriages how rich they become.  Marriage was  meant to be enjoyed! Funny in today's world even well meaning "godly" women have flipped it to the point that their husband's are their "help meet".  Totally contrary to God's word, yet we can justify it by adding a "spiritual" twist to it.

I wonder what would happen if  we would cultivate a friendship with our husbands.  If we would accept them for who they are and pray for those areas where they need to "step it up" or maybe areas they need to be more tender in?  Instead of trying to change them or dictate to them how it's gonna be, what if we took God's word seriously and did what scripture clearly teaches a wife to do.  To have a gentle and quiet spirit.  To submit to our husbands as is fitting in the Lord.  To without a word "win" our husbands over to God and to us (Peter 3:1 - In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives).






What if we quit trying to be in control of everything and everyone around us.  What if we quit manipulating the situations and began to truly trust in our Sovereign Lord?  If marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church, He being the bridegroom and the church being the Bride shouldn't we be more well, "bridely" (made that one up).  More pure in our hearts, more pure in our behavior, more purely devoted to our God and husbands? 



A pastor once said, "Marriage was not meant to make you happy but to make you holy".  Unfortunately, if we are not in love with Jesus allowing Him to meet those deepest needs that ONLY He can meet marriage is not very happy.  It is down right miserable.  Assuming that my husband knows how I'm feeling (like he's God or something) how crazy is that?  We've heard it said, " communication is the key".  That pertains to any good marriage, but it has to be kind communication, not ridicule or belittling communication.  Believe me after 22 yrs. of marriage I know what I'm talking about.  I used to belittle and demean my husband ALOT, of course most of the time I didnt' realize I was doing this, but then there were those times when I knew exactly what I was doing.  All it did was put distance between us and make him feel like less of a man.   If I'm honest my flesh liked being able to put someone in their place and I could wrap it all up in scripture to top it off.  I spent lots of time reading books on marriage, written by people who were just as "dysfunctional" as we were.  I bought all the books for him to read and would end up reading them myself, which only made me more discontent which led to more arguments, more belittling and more negative communication. 



As I have thought about what marriage can be I wondered if most of us go into marriage thinking our relationship with our husband will fulfill our deepest needs?  Or we don't see the whole meaning of marriage from a biblical perspective.   For years after I was saved I truly thought if I did what a   wife is "supposed" to do: provide nice meals each and every night, a clean and organized home, make sure his laundry is done and folded, hung up and put away, make time for him in the bedroom, that I was being a "good" wife.  What I missed for many years was he needed me to be his companion and friend! Friends encourage one another, want God's best for their friend.  Care about what is going on in their life.  Prays for their friend.  Spends time with their friend building a solid relationship.  Friendship takes time, energy and effort.  Husbands want someone to listen to them.  Someone to appreciate how hard they work to provide for their families.  To be respected for who they are, not who we are trying to make them.



So I ask you today; are you and your  husband friends?  If not, what steps can you take today (without saying a word) to begin cultivating a solid friendship with your husband?